Thoughts On My Heart Tonight

I just finished making dinner, and now I’m curled up on the couch under a big cozy blanket, cuddling Maple and Churro, my dog and cat. For a moment, I’m just looking around, taking in this little life of mine, and I feel this overwhelming sense of gratitude. Nothing particularly exciting happened tonight. I’m just home with my animals, feeling loved, safe, and at peace, thinking about how much my life has changed. And all I can think is, God, this is all because of You.

There’s so much I’m grateful for that I don’t even know where to begin. The home I get to make dinner in. These two little animals curled up beside me. The friends I can call. My business, Kris Kameron Productions. The fact I just got an email today saying I have five hundred subscribers to this site!! All the amazing opportunities I’ve been getting. And the peace of sitting here tonight without needing anything more from this moment. I know how easily I can get caught up thinking about what’s missing or what I’m still waiting for, but tonight I keep thinking about everything that’s already here.

Most of you guys are here from my Catholic related content, which I love that! I know I’ve been writing more personal posts lately but I always try to add in my faith because becoming Catholic has changed my entire life. I know that sounds like a big statement but I don’t know how to make it any smaller and still tell the truth. It has changed the way I see people, the way I love, the way I handle disappointment, what I hope for, and what I’m willing to let go of. My whole perspective on life is different in the BEST way possible.

I still struggle. I still get anxiety. I still overthink, and there are things I wish I understood. But the struggles don’t feel as overwhelming when I remember I can bring them to God. I don’t have to have an answer for everything tonight. I can tell Him what’s worrying me, ask for His help, and trust that He hears me.

One of the sweetest blessings has been the people God’s brought into my life. I’ve made friends who share my faith, who encourage me, who genuinely want what’s best for me, who lift me up, and who make me want to become a better person. People I can talk to about God without feeling like I need to make that part of myself smaller. People who understand why going to Mass matters to me, why I get excited about learning something new about Catholicism, or why I want my choices to reflect what I believe.

That kind of friendship is still so new to me and I’m grateful for it in a way I don’t think I would have understood a few years ago. Even a year ago!

I don’t think I realized how much the company I kept affected me until I began spending time with people whose presence left me feeling encouraged and loved. There’s something beautiful about friendships where you can laugh, enjoy life, and also want heaven for each other. Where someone cares enough to support you and gently encourage you to grow.

I want to keep surrounding myself with people like that and I want to be that kind of friend too. I want the people I love to know they can count on my prayers as much as my company.

Looking back I know God has protected me through certain relationships and hardships. Some of what I once begged God to fix, I’m beginning to thank Him for helping me release. That gratitude has taken time. There were tears and questions before I could feel it, but I’m starting to recognize the room those endings made for peace, healthier friendships, and parts of myself I had been neglecting.

Then there’s my work, which continues to leave me a little speechless. The fact that I have my own business doing what I love still hasn’t fully settled in. Sometimes I’ll be working on something and suddenly think, I really get to do this!

I’ve worked hard, but I also recognize the opportunities I couldn’t have arranged for myself. The doors that opened. The people who thought of me. The ways my business has grown beyond what I knew to ask for. I don’t want to become so busy chasing the next thing that I forget to appreciate what I once hoped would happen.

I pray often about my platforms. I ask God to help me use them well and let something good come from the time people spend with me online. I want to share His love and be a light for Him, even while I’m still learning and growing myself. Lately I’ve felt so grateful to see little glimpses of how God might be answering that prayer.

This past weekend I went to Live Action’s Life Awards Gala and I couldn’t even believe I was even invited. I found myself looking around the room at Catholic and Christian creators whose words had encouraged me when I was becoming Catholic. People I had watched through a screen, learning from them and finding reassurance in what they shared, were suddenly standing a few feet away.

To be welcomed into that room meant so much to me.

A few people even recognized me, which immediately brought out the shy, awkward part of me that never quite knows what to do in those moments. I’ve been creating content for over eight years and somehow I can still be surprised that someone on the other side of the phone knows who I am. I’m sure I didn’t always know what to say but I hope they knew how much their kindness meant.

What stayed with me most was what people said about my faith. I hadn’t thought I was sharing all that much, especially compared with people whose entire platforms are dedicated to it. But hearing that what I have shared feels unique and inspiring encouraged me more than they probably realized.

Sometimes I post something without knowing who it will reach or whether it will mean anything to anyone. Then a conversation like that reminds me that I don’t always get to see what happens after I share it. Someone might carry a thought with them long after I’ve put my phone down.

I started out sharing makeup and fashion and I’m grateful for those years. I loved creating looks, being creative, and connecting with people through those interests. Those things are still part of me. But being able to encourage someone in their faith has brought a depth of purpose to this work that I couldn’t have imagined when I first started posting.

Recently, an old friend reached out and told me they had joined OCIA because of me.

I cried. Happy tears, of course.

I kept thinking about how I had gone through my own journey with so many questions, watching other people and learning from what they shared. Now someone was telling me that witnessing a little of my journey had encouraged them to begin their own.

I’m still emotional thinking about it. To know that God could work through something as ordinary as me sharing my life and use it to help someone take a step toward Him, is something I don’t ever want to take for granted. It makes me want to be more thoughtful about what I put into the world and brave enough to keep sharing even when I feel shy or unsure.

Because I love being Catholic. I really, really do.

I love the beauty and the reverence. I love the Eucharist, sacraments, the Saints, Mary, and the way there is always something more to learn. I love stepping into a church and remembering where I am and Who is there. I love that my faith gives me so many ways to return my attention to God throughout the day, even when I’ve been distracted or caught up in myself.

On Saturday morning, I went to confession. I’ve been trying to go once a week, and it has become one of the most beautiful parts of my life. There is something so humbling about saying aloud the things you wish you had done differently, bringing them honestly before God, and receiving His forgiveness.

I walk out feeling brand new. Grateful that I can begin again. Grateful that God knows everything I bring into that confessional and still welcomes me with mercy. I find myself thinking about how generous that is, to be given that grace again and again.

How could I experience that love and not want other people to know it too?

I think about people I know whose lives are taking different directions from mine, and I pray for them. I know what it is to look for peace in things that can’t quite give it to you. I also know I’m still a person who needs grace every single day. My own need for forgiveness is something I’m reminded of every time I go to confession and I hope remembering that helps me love and forgive people with more patience.

I don’t want to force my faith on anyone. I want the way I live to make people curious about the love that has changed me. I want to become more generous, more willing to forgive, and more attentive to the people around me. I want what I share about Jesus to be reflected in how I treat someone when my phone is put away.

And ya, sometimes I also want to shout from the rooftops about how much I love Jesus. Because keeping all of this to myself feels almost impossible.

It’s crazy to know that God, who created the oceans, the animals, the stars and the moon, all the flowers we stop to admire, He wanted you here too! Your life was worth creating. You are someone He knows and loves so much!

I wish I could sit across from every person reading this and tell them that, especially anyone who feels forgotten or thinks they have to have their whole life together before they can turn toward God. You can begin with whatever words you have right where you are. So much of my own life has changed through simply continuing to turn toward Him, even when all I could bring was a tired heart and the same prayer I had prayed the day before.

Thank you for taking the time to read what I write, for supporting my work, and for allowing me to share something that has become the center of my life. Every message telling me that something resonated, every conversation that grows out of a post, reminds me why I want to keep doing this. I’m grateful that I get to share my thoughts here. And even more grateful when they help someone feel understood or a little closer to God.

For now, dinner is made, Maple and Churro are cuddled up beside me, I’m going to stay under this blanket a little longer and start reading this new book I just got. I just felt inspired to write this right now because I’m just overwhelmed with happiness and gratitude tonight. And it feels nice to feel this way after all my prayers recently. I feel like they’re being answered and life is finally falling into place!! I don’t feel lost or alone anymore. Jesus has my back and He has yours!! So before I end this post, I’m saying this prayer: Thank You for this life God. You are so good. Please help me love You and help me love the people You place into my life. I want to love like you love all of us! Amen.