I just got done with my work meetings, editing and everything I had to do today and I took a quick break to jump on Instagram. Ahh, I gotta vent for a second. It’s literally the same videos, the same outfits, the same opinions, the same advice about relationships. Then I come across someone doing something completely their own, and I immediately want to know more. What inspired that? How did they think of it? I love people who go against the grain. People who get so excited about something that they forget to worry whether anyone else thinks it’s cool. I’ve always loved being a little different myself, and the older I get, the more I appreciate something my mom told me when I was a kid.
“Just be yourself. There’s only one you.”
She told me there had never been anyone exactly like me in the history of civilization, and there never would be again. That thought has stayed with me my whole life. Out of all the people who have ever existed, I get this one chance to be me. What a waste of this beautiful life if we aren’t our true, authentic selves.
I’m an elder millennial, and I’m so thankful I grew up when I did. Ask me what these new slang words mean and I probably couldn’t tell you. Celebrity drama? Whatever pop culture moment everyone is talking about? I have absolutely no desire to keep up. There are too many things I actually want to learn about then spend my time pretending to care about things I don’t.
Of course we had trends growing up but I’m grateful I had a childhood before social media. I passed the time using my imagination, getting curious, and finding things I loved without an audience weighing in. I could be interested in something simply because it interested me. And I was never particularly concerned with whether it made me cool.
I wasn’t in the popular crowd. I didn’t want to be. I was more fascinated by the person doing their own thing, especially when they kept doing it even though nobody else understood it yet. The artists. The rebels. The people with an unusual hobby or a head full of ideas.
I still gravitate toward those people. Tell me about something you’re passionate about. I don’t care if I know absolutely nothing about it. If your eyes light up while you’re talking, I’m listening. I love people who make me curious about something I’d never thought about before.
That’s what I wish I saw more of online.
Creating content is my job, so I understand why people follow trends. You see a format getting attention, and it makes sense to try it. I know I could use more trending audios, copy the videos that are already performing well, and probably bring more people to my page. But I can’t. Doing what everyone else is doing is absolutely boring to me.
Lip syncing to a song because everyone else is doing it does nothing for me. I’d rather put that energy into an idea I’m excited about, even if it gets fewer views. Something that helps someone, makes them think, or inspires them to try something themselves.
I want someone to see my work and feel the way I feel when another artist inspires me: I want to go make something.
If one person picks up their camera because of something I shared, that means something to me. I want to remember that when a video I cared about doesn’t get much engagement. The numbers can’t be the only reason I create, because I loved creating long before I had anyone watching.
Film photography is probably one of the clearest examples of how I’ve always been this way.
I love multiple exposures, self portraits, expired film, and experimenting with ideas that might not work. I want to take a photograph I haven’t seen before. I want to look at the result and recognize something of my imagination in it.
Could I go photograph a gas station at night on some Cinestill 800t? Sure. But I’ve seen so many of those photographs that I’d rather find out what else I can do with my camera. What happens if I expose this frame again? What if I put myself in the photograph? What if I use this old roll of film with no idea how it’s been stored? That uncertainty excites me.
It’s also why I love processing my own film. I want to be involved in the whole process. I imagined it, photographed it, and developed it. There’s something so satisfying about hanging up a strip of negatives and seeing what I made. Even when I screw it up. Sometimes those mistakes become my favorite part. A strange color shift, unexpected grain, something uneven or unpredictable that I couldn’t recreate exactly if I tried. I love expired film because of the character it can bring. I’m willing to risk an imperfect result to see something unexpected and most importantly, something no one else has created before.
That’s what keeps me interested. I’m still discovering what I can make.
And when I find another photographer creating something wildly imaginative, I get excited. I want to see their experiments. I want to see how their mind works. Originality makes me want to keep exploring my own.
That same desire to enjoy what makes me different shows up in much smaller parts of my life, too.
For the past year, I’ve stopped dyeing my grey hair.
I’ve been getting greys for about ten years, and for most of that time, I covered them. I hate admitting how easily I accepted the idea that they were something I needed to hide. Grey meant aging, and apparently aging was something I was supposed to fight. Then I let them grow, and I realized I actually love them. I’m obsessed. I keep looking at them coming in, and I can’t wait to see what they look like fully grown out. They’re beautiful. They’re mine. This is how God made my hair, and I’m finding so much enjoyment in finally letting myself see it.
Getting dressed is another little way I’ve always expressed myself. I love fashion. I love cute outfits. I love being girly, and I’m almost always in a dress. I don’t need a special occasion. An ordinary day is enough of a reason to wear something that makes me happy.
I get compliments in public all the time, sometimes like seeing a woman in a dress is a surprising event. Recently, I drove past a high school as the students were leaving, and so many of them had on some version of the same outfit: baggy jeans, a dark top or hoodie, heads down looking at their phones. It made me wonder how many were wearing exactly what they loved and how many were worried about standing out.
I remember girls making fun of the way I dressed in high school. Even my stepmom would ask, “You don’t care what people will think about you?”
“Nope!”
I liked my outfit. That was enough for me.
I’m grateful I had that confidence, and I want to keep making room for it now. Getting older doesn’t mean I have to become less playful, less curious, or less myself.
And being in a relationship shouldn’t mean that either.
Relationships is another area where I look around and think, What is going on?
My feed serves me relationship advice from people who’ve never sustained a long term relationship or a marriage. I see women talking about men like they’re all terrible, and men talking like there’s an endless supply of women waiting if the person in front of them becomes inconvenient.
Ghosting. Lying. Micro cheating. Avoiding accountability. Being emotionally unavailable. Like, I can’t.
I learned how to date before I knew any of these terms, and I love that old school love.
Call me because you want to hear my voice. Make plans and keep them. Be honest. Be thoughtful. Let me know you’re excited about me. If something’s wrong, have a conversation with me. I want to love someone without having to study a strategy for getting them to care. I’ll double text, I’ll call. If I care about you, my ego won’t stand in the way, you’ll know how I feel. Why hide who and how you feel from someone you want to build something with? I don’t get it.
I know plenty of people think differently. I’m still going to be honest about what I want. I believe being authentic gives someone who shares those values a chance to recognize me. Pretending I’m happy with less won’t help either of us.
But I’ve learned how easy it is to lose that conviction when you love someone.
I’ve been so focused on seeing the good in another person that I stopped paying attention to how I felt around them. I thought they were amazing. Meanwhile, I kept wondering why I didn’t seem to be enough for them.
I put so much energy into trying to understand it that I stopped doing the things that made me happy. I was emotionally drained. The curiosity, the creativity, the excitement I usually felt about my own life, all of it became harder to reach. I missed myself. And I’ve learned that feeling is worth listening to.
I want to be with someone who enjoys discovering who I am. Someone who loves that I have ideas, interests, opinions, and a whole creative life. Someone I can offer that same attention and encouragement to. I want us to bring out more of the good in each other. I’ve learned, if it doesn’t bring me peace, run!
That goes for friendships and family, too. The people closest to us should know and appreciate the things that make us unique. They can challenge us and help us grow while still loving who we are. There should be room to get excited, be a little weird, try something, fail at it, and still feel at home with each other.
There’s only one you. The people closest to you should understand how precious that is.
I believe God gave each of us gifts we’re meant to use. A way of seeing. A talent to develop. Something we can offer another person. I want to explore what He’s given me and use it to create, encourage, and bring people closer to Him.
What a tragedy to spend our whole lives hiding those gifts because we’re worried about what someone might think.
And I don’t think being yourself means you have to reject everything popular. If you love the song, play it. If you love the outfit, wear it. Enjoy what you enjoy. I just want us to give ourselves permission to follow our curiosity even when it takes us somewhere nobody around us is going.
Make the strange art. Get excited about your hobby. Wear the dress to the grocery store. Let your greys grow if you want to. Be honest about the kind of love you hope for.
Give people the chance to know the real you. Give yourself the chance to know her, too.
You don’t have to fit into every crowd. Keep your heart pointed toward heaven, and enjoy the life God gave you.
My mom’s advice has stayed with me through all these different versions of myself. I hear it when I try something new, when I choose something other people don’t understand, and when I need reminding that I had a whole, beautiful life before someone failed to appreciate it.
Just be yourself.
There’s only one you. How cool is that?