I Was Never Alone
Finding God in the moments I thought I had no one.
—
For most of my life, I believed I was alone.
For years, I believed that feeling was just something I had to carry.
But looking back now, as I prepare to step into this new chapter of my life through baptism, I realize something that completely changes the way I see my past.
I was never alone.
God was there the entire time.
As I look back on my life, I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude and accomplishment. I’m proud of myself for getting here, not in a prideful way, but in a way that recognizes how far God has carried me.
Growing up, I didn’t have parents who were able to give me the love and attention I deeply needed. They were selfish in their own ways, but I believe they did the best they could with what they were capable of. Still, I always longed for their affection and often felt alone.
To cope, I created a world inside my imagination. I would drift into what felt like a “fantasy world,” where things were softer, more beautiful, and more peaceful than the chaos which was my reality around me.
Looking back now, I think that was where my creativity first began.
It was also where my love of noticing beauty started to grow.
Now I see it differently.
Now I know that God was there with me all along.
Even when I didn’t know His name yet, He was holding my hand, guiding me and reminding me that I wasn’t alone.
He showed Himself through the things I noticed. The flowers, trees, animals, sunsets, the beauty of the world around me.
Those moments of wonder were never random.
They were invitations.
“The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands.”
— Psalm 19:1
Even today, I still find peace in nature. When I notice a beautiful sunset, flowers growing in unexpected places, or light shining through trees, I feel that same quiet reminder that God is present in His creation.
“For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities… have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made.”
— Romans 1:20
Before starting OCIA, I found myself in a place of deep loneliness. It felt like a hole I couldn’t climb out of. In some ways, I didn’t even want to try to climb out of it anymore.
I had started to believe that maybe I was just meant to be alone in life and I accepted that.
People who should never leave… always seemed to leave.
At the time, the only person I believed would never leave me was myself. So I got used to doing everything alone. I became comfortable being independent and spending time by myself.
In many ways, I actually enjoy my own company.
But there was always a small ache in my heart, wishing I had more people to share life’s beautiful moments with.
Moments when I would see something absolutely breathtaking beautiful.
As I’m writing this now, I realize something I hadn’t thought of before.
Maybe that’s exactly why God led me to photography.
Maybe He gave me the gift of noticing beauty so that I could photograph it and share it with others.
“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights.”
— James 1:17
Now I realize that noticing those moments has always been a gift from God.
Maybe He gave me that gift so I could remind others to slow down and see the beauty He placed all around us.
Sometimes the world moves so fast that we forget to notice the small reminders of His presence. But when we pause and truly look, His fingerprints are everywhere.
In the light, in the colors of nature, in the beauty of everything He created.
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—think about such things.”
— Philippians 4:8
When I look back now, I can see that God has been with me through every chapter of my life, even the darkest ones.
I just didn’t recognize Him yet.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
— Psalm 34:18
I wish I had known during those difficult moments that He was there with me.
But now that I truly know Him, and now that I have a real relationship with Him, everything feels different.
I know in the deepest part of my heart that He is with me.
And that He loves me more than I could ever imagine.
“I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
— Hebrews 13:5
Since accepting Him fully into my life, I haven’t felt that same loneliness anymore.
Because now I know I’m never alone.
Not only do I have God, but I also have the communion of saints, angels watching over me, and the Blessed Mother who I can always turn to in prayer.
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses…”
— Hebrews 12:1
It’s an incredible feeling to realize how deeply loved we truly are.
Growing in my faith has made me want to share this with everyone. I want to shout it from the rooftops so that no one ever feels the way I once felt.
Because the truth is simple:
We are never alone.
We are deeply loved beyond what we can imagine.
I once heard someone say something that stayed with me:
How amazing is it that the same God who created the entire universe, the stars, the oceans, the mountains, every flower and sunset, also created you?
You were created intentionally.
You were created with love.
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”
— Psalm 139:14
Knowing that God is always with me has completely changed my life.
Since growing closer to Him, I truly haven’t felt alone anymore.
If I could encourage anyone to do one thing, it would be this:
Get to know Jesus.
Talk to Him.
Open your heart to Him.
Know that He loves you more than you could ever imagine.
No matter what situation you’re in, no matter how dark life may feel, He is there ready to bring you into His light.
“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”
— John 1:5
His light wants to shine inside of you.
And once you experience it, you’ll never see the world the same way again.
“And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
— Matthew 28:20
